Meaning

For some reason lately, I have found a great need to look up the definitions of words. Not just random word-of-the-day-toilet-paper type words, but words I commonly use. It's as if suddenly I needed to take the word back to it's original self and start over. I had allowed words themselves to become common. I would say something, check myself by its definition, and realize I had done that backwards. I want words to have meaning again. When I tell someone they are amazing, beautiful, good, etc, I want them to be able to believe the words and hold the truth that resounds in them. I want the full magnitude of intentional words to ring truth that is not just stepped over as words often are. I want a flood of meaning and heart to sweep over someone when I tell them I love them and how much Papa loves them. I use words a lot. And often the same ones because no others seem to catch the depth of truth they can hold. Yet in that usage, they have become commonplace and lack the power they once had. It does not hold less meaning from my end, yet the power is gone. Downloading a Dictionary app and excessively utilizing it has not helped my plight any however. How do we restore power, meaning and truth to the words we have used for so long?
I'm guesssing it is as many things, not possible. However, Papa can fix it. If he can restore the people who have wasted words and time and meaning... which He does/has, then certainly he can do the same for our words. "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be PLEASING in your sight..." Not just acceptable, but pleasing. By the restoration of the heart, the truth can not only flow out, but be received in. Everything changes. When we know and receive love, we can feel it hit us to the core when we walk into it. The magnitude of the gllimpse we get alone, leaves one breathless. Imagine if we truly got it in its fullness.
Words.
Learning to use them.

A friend recently told me that I didn't need to mourn lost love when I was so full of His love.
She was saying so much in these words. But they were hard to receive.
Not because they weren't true, or because they were cliche or overused.
Simply because I was holding onto something. Something that was tightly clenched in my hand, not in plain sight, but tucked away behind white knuckles.
Loss.
I had to let it sink in and figure out where it was.
I hadn't even realized.
Loss of love.
Not all love, not even much love. But a sliver of love just the same.
My heart was filled but I was still looking at it as if it had a hole in it.
All love is in addition to His because his fills it up, completely.
Family, friends, a partner, etc are simply the overflow from a heart already full and pouring out.
That's how we love well. From a heart filled by him. It's just overflow.
I have been asked several times in the las couple years what my love language is:
Words of affirmation
Physical touch
Gifting
Quality time
Acts of service
And frankly it's hard to tell.
How does one narrow down how they best give and receive love.
Why not all of the above.
Speak, hug, give, go, do... It's love in completion.
Do it.
MEAN IT!!!

Written in Stone Part 2: HAVILAH

So... Once upon a time, February 3, 2009 to be exact, I was given a Word by Papa over the renewing of my name. A very tangible redeeming of a name I had despised for a long time. He turned my dirt into a proclamation for Earth... I copied it below just to tag them together without starting over.

New Year's Eve/Day of 2011, He did it again, but in a much more powerful way. The story of that night still blows my mind. I've never been in such awe, presence, or freedom. It was amazing and powerful. More than I ever dreamed. The story of healing, freedom, truth, release, and purpose.

In the end, a new name had been given by Papa. A name that spoke to my wounds and insecurities in the deepest possible way. A name that proved He knew me, He saw my pain, He was there the whole time, He loved me anyway. This much.

That new name was Havilah.

It is a Hebrew name.

It means:

1. The place in Eden where exceptionally pure gold is found.

2. to dance

3. strength

4. to collect or gather

5. to show, tell, or make known

6. to worship

Wow. He really does see me.

With a word, He has spoken...

healing to my gaping wounds.

truth of purpose into my lies of uselessness.

restoration to the pieces I thought I'd lost.

value to my sense of worthlessness.

innocence to my deepest shame.

There is so much more to our stories than we could ever imagine. Papa does see and know all. He does save our tears in a bottle. He not only knows how to use our mistakes for our good, but has every intention of doing so. There is nothing that He cannot restore, redeem, heal, and use for our good.

He loves so much. So well. Perfectly.

And that's all he asks of us, really.

1. Love God above all.

2. Love others as yourself.

LOVE. That's it. Everything else can appropriately fall under one of these.

Nothing is of value without love.

But we are of great value because we are loved and we love.

tuesday, february 3, 2009

Written in Stone

So, tonight I was in a Bible study that is led by an extreme, thought provoking, wall-breaching, Spirit filled prophetess. Also there was a great friend of mine who is a phenomonoly gifted teacher, proclaimer, purpose finding, lesson living truth seeker. That being said, you will understand how I reached this point tonight. I was asked what my name meant (how THOUGHT PROVOKING), and of course shouted out the blatant obvious of how I live in it..."DIRT" yes maam, my name means dirt.Since then the TRUTH has been SEARCHED out and more has come to light (one may even say the light of day or DAWN). (see why I explained the two at the begining? now you know where they each fit in without my having to dialogue lol). Turns out the following is true:

Tera- Dirt, Earth

h- exhale, the outbreathing, or as in the breath of life God breathed into Adam, or the way He changed the names of Abram and Sarai to include His breath of life into AbraHam and SaraH

Jane- Merciful

God has spoken over a name of ordinary uselessness and turmoil with His breath, His essence, to cause life to spring forth from this pile of dirt to proclaim mercy to the ends of the Earth. If that does not cause me to live in the promise, I do not know how else to be inspired to seek truth or live in His exhale.

Just to add another point, my name at birth was :
Jacqueline- protector

For any of you who really know me or have endeavored to breach my walls, you understand how hard I strive to not be KNOWN, I am a protector of myself and am at this point in my life being called to relinquish that hold I covet over my own pride and secrecy and illusion of security through hiding. I have recently come to realize that I have wanted a life of masquerade parties and basement living in every sence of the meaning they imply.
But, just as my earthly name was changed, so it will be again.
We are told in Revelation that we will be given a new name written on a stone, known only to us by the creater of life Himself. TRUE Father will give us our purposed name when it has been fulfilled.
Turns out you cannot be a protector of self AND an effective proclaimation of His mercy to all the earth at the same time. How appropriate that the name given to me by my earthly father meant protector and when he abandoned his post as my earthly protector it was changed to a name in which my purpose was exhaled over me by my Heavenly Father. A name that will cause me to break the chains of self preservation and proclaim His name and great mercy to the ends of the Earth!

Free to love

Wow. It has been 2 1/2 years since I posted a blog.

How time flies. I can't even begin to know where to start this...

This has been the hardest, worst, and best two years of my life. There has been so much loss, separation, fear, and fighting. yet, on the other hand, so much more of it was love, freedom, rescue, restoration, and awakening. The last 12 months have been especially enlightening. It was like last New Year's Day I was introduced to myself for the first time, and have since been getting to know me. I know how strange that can sound, but its so very accurate. I have never been more aware of who I am, who I have been, and who I am meant to be. Its a process and I am happy to walk in it.

I have come to realize how much love means. I have learned things about love I never believed could be true. I have been shown love languages I didn't know existed. I have grasped its importance in a whole new way.

We have been rescued from the Law and freed from condemnation, so Jesus was once asked what the greatest commandment was. His answer was very simple, yet huge: LOVE! Love Him more than anything and love your neighbor as yourself. Nothing is more important than love. Love Papa. Love others. Love. That's it! Everything else falls under that! Just as the Law "fell" away under His love for us.

Love has always been a huge part of my life. But in my perception, it was always an outward flow...I just didn't realize it. I love to love. I always have. And many times I would say I love love, but I don't think I did. Not until the last couple years taught me more and showed me a picture of love. I actually think I believed I was the only person that knew how to love. And yet, I didn't even choose to do it well before. It was a risk. A vulnerability. A mistake. It is a heart broken, refusing healing, that sees love as a mistake. No matter what. So walls are erected, and a ceiling slammed into place, and doors and windows sealed up and the heart is "protected". In reality, we have just convinced ourselves not to receive love as truth, and not to love well...UNTIL... a person/people love(s) so well and so relentlessly, that we have to open up some, suddenly realizing what we have been missing all along and wanting in. Once that world is seen as it can truly be, there is no way we would ever want to go back to a sad, lonely version of it. All I want to do now is love. Well, Lavishly, Purely, Constantly,... and without fear. That doesn't mean I always will. It means I will always try. I have had a few good teachers. And Papa is teaching me so much more than any of them ever thought about. This perspective is amazing. This freedom is intoxicating. This love is Moving!

This is a mess.

So am I.

We all are.

Enter: love.

We are a loved mess.

You are loved.

You are important.

You are needed.

You are not an accident.

You are not forgettable.

You are not replaceable.

You are beautiful.

I love you.

Papa loves you more.

He trusts you.

Be Still...

I have been battered by Ps 46:10 for quite some time now. For a long time I found it amusing, then it was just annoying, and after a while, I will admit it became frustrating! I thought I had gotten the point and it was time to move on. I believed the WORD had been received and a new one was in order. The section of the verse that has chased after me was for so long... "Be still and know that I am God." I have it hanging on my wall, written on my mirror, and highlited in my Bible, on stationary, etc with the expectation of finally finding the part I have been missing and embrace the message intended. The main point I had a problem with was the "be still" part. Funny that I was rushing through a message of stillness :)...it's just like me.

Well, the other day, I read the verse in its entirety, and guess what... any of you that know me will be able to see why it now excites me...the rest of the very same verse reads "... I will be exalted among the nations." I am now quite content to embrace all else God is in eager anticipation for me to grasp out of this WORD, ALL of it. I must remember, accept, and embrace the stillness in order to be successful in my kingdom purpose among the nations. Let's see what else there is to finding Him in the stillness. To fully experience Him I would imagine is much like Moses being covered on the rock to glimpse His back and walking away forever and visibly changed. Hoping for the glimpse I do not understand the impact of.
Proclaim Him,
Terah

Created For You

Verse 1:
One is searching high and low
To find what's missing
No one knows
Another wrestles near and far
Struggling, it's just
Too hard

Chorus:
The pieces that they try to find
The answers that they reach for
Will all be known
Because You will show
You are what they were
Created for

Verse 2:
Down on knees, afraid of tears
Your deliverance
Found here
Praying that the pain will end
This broken heart,
You ache to mend

Chorus 2:
The pieces that we need to find
The answers that we all reach for
Will all be known
You promise to show
You are what we were
Created for

Bridge:
Your desire's to love
Deliver above
All fear
You want to take our pain
Pour over us like rain
And heal

Deliverance from Addiction/Overcoming Temptation

I have an addictive personality! That basically means that I become enslaved by just about everything I have ever tried. There are even things that I avoid trying because of my history of addiction (and present struggles with them). I have had a love/hate relationship with a ton of things: smoking, gambling, food, people, and MORE! I still struggle with all of them and in some cases have made little to no progress. I have been so worn out by the struggle of self fixing and the inability to just plain abandon these addictions, because I have made it my personal battle without any hope of deliverance.

Well, Sunday morning, I was faced with a statement that made me pause and evaluate: "You do not have to sin." Well my inner, immediate response was of course, "Easy for you to say, you must not have desires" Well the speaker went on to say that he does in fact struggle as well, but that we are to master sin and not let it master us.
Genesis 4:7 "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But, if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must master it."
I don't know about you, but I can't. If my daily struggle alone must continue as it is, then let's be honest, I will give in eventually (if not sooner). Once something has been opened to my senses, it is a battle forever. It seems hopeless. Once the fruit in the garden was tasted, life changed forever...even now.

So where is the hope that I have struggled to find for so long? How can it be accepted? Go to the source...

Romans 6:14 "For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace."Grace!!! How does that fit in? Where is the receiving point for grace?

2 Corinthians 1:9-11 "Indeed in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raised the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many." Rely on God! The source of all power, even over death has given us full access to Himself! Read that again: deliver us from peril...deliverance through prayer...resulting in praise from many! Another point I feel compelled to make at this point (I say compelled because I am not the type to easily go along with this point...see the basement in previous posting) is that the believers praying with him were aware of the problem he was facing SO THAT they could also praise through the deliverance as well. That's a hard part to swallow. Who really wants to share their guilt, shame, and constant failure? Those who desire God to have greater glory and praise when He delvers us!!! Hard, but true. We all fail, we all want that hidden, but we are to be delivered even from what we fight to hide.

Psalms 19:12-13 "Who can discern his own errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression." We can have full redemption. David was so convinced that he declared with the Lord's power he could be innocent.

Romans 14:4 "Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand. For the Lord is able to make him stand." There is a power greater than death that we cannot even imagine that is just waiting, no anticipating excitedly for the moment we open the door to our addictions and temptations and cry out for help, believing that His power is mighty to save.

1 Corinthians 6:12-14 "Everything is permissible for me-but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me-but I will not be mastered by anything. Food for the stomach and the stomach for food-but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord and the Lord for the body. By His power God raised the Lord from the dead and he will raise us also." He will raise us also!!! Raise us from the pit of our own pride and failures to shine with the light of His power for His glory!

Anyone else feel like being delivered???

Please note: There may be many errors and oversights here, but I do not claim to have the wisdom or gift of teaching that many others do. I was given a word, and this word may one day be helpful to someone other than myself. So, in the effort of having public accountability for my own struggles, the event that someone else may need it, and the need to remember this myself, here it is!

You are Victorious

Verse 1:
I need a moment of Your time
Only You can see me through
This mess I find is mine
It's not a battle that I like
But You have called me to
So I must fight

Chorus:
I've gotta take up (take up)
This armor You provide
And with the weapons at my side
I've gotta run to You
For the battle up ahead
O You are victorious
And with You the battle is won

Verse 2:
Sometimes I just can't comprehend
How important it is
To move ahead
There's pieces that I've left behind
You will redeem them all
For Your glory instead

Chorus 2:
I'm gonna take up (take up)
This armor You provide
And with the weapons at my side
I'm gonna run with You
In the battle up ahead
O You are victorious
And with You the battle is won

Bridge:
You are victorious in battle
Victorious in life
The victory is Your's
The victory is Your's
O You are victorious
And with You the battle is won

Abba Father

Verse 1:
I need the arms of my Father
I need the comfort and protection that they offer
I need to know that I am His and He is mine
Abba Father

Chorus:
And so I praise You for never leaving me
You have declared to be my security
You see me in my deepest need
And You have loved me all along

Verse 2:
You send Your angels to watch over me
You have promised to be all I need
You are the One who will never leave me
Abba Father

Chorus:
And so I praise You for never leaving me
You have declared to be my security
You see me in my deepest need
And You have loved me all along

Bridge:
You are great and mighty, all powerful
Yet You choose to hear me when I call
You are great and mighty, all powerful
Yet You choose to hear me when I call
Abba Father

The Donkey

I have asked for a donkey story and was instructed to write my own, and I will, but in my research of what a donkey is and means I stumbled across some interesting facts I thought I would share in the meantime.
Turns out in being dubbed a donkey, more truth was relayed than probably intended. For example:

• Donkeys are referred to as "beasts of burden," pack animals that can carry 20-30% of their weight on their backs.
• In the wild, they live completely separated from each other, but develop very loud vocalization to keep in contact with others over wide wide spaces. Their large ears also help to pick up distant sounds making them aware of anything approaching their area.
• Are quite capable of defending themselves by powerfully kicking with their hind legs and biting or striking with their mouth.
• In Greek culture they are associated with the "god of wine" yet by the Romans they are considered a suitable sacrificial animal.
• Their social disposition and adaptation to human companionship allows them to be led without the use of ropes.
• They are widely known to be comical and stubborn, but research shows them to also be intelligent, cautious, friendly, playful, and eager to learn.
• Once a person has earned their confidence, they prove to be very willing and dependable.
• The term "donkey" is also used to refer to an unskilled gambler.

I seem, through this little lesson, to only relate more to the donkey than before! The story of the donkey in the basement will follow soon and tie these last two posts together in an all-too-true fairy tale!

-Terah the Donkey

• 
  

The Basement

I have said on here before that I am a basement dweller, which is no surprise to my circle of people. They are in fact, the ones who were able to finally make me see that for myself after all. So what is it about basements that appeals so much to me? Why am I so set on staying in the underground place that I have come to love so much yet despise for its very existence?

Let's start from the beginning:
What is a basement?

• S: (n) basement, cellar (the lowermost portion of a structure partly or wholly below ground level; often used for storage). Well, there's a start. A below ground place of storage. How fitting for me. It is by design a place to keep things. A place for putting things away. I find it to be a place of hiding.

• It is also described above as a cellar. A place to hide out while a storm is just outside above you tearing at what you would normally live in. Storms make living above ground unsafe. I also find the basement as a place of security. A place to hide in, and after several storms, you wonder if it is ever going to be safe above ground again. The answer is no, it will not be safe, but who will rebuild the house that has been destroyed if you stay in the basement? No one else has the ability to do reconstruction on a house belonging to you while you stay hidden underneath the rubble. But as a basement dweller, you do not experience life above ground in the primary house, so it becomes none of your concern.

I have been contemplating this post for a while now and so just this morning, I was thinking about what great things I could think of having come from basements or underground hiding. I found nothing that would help my case for staying underground at all. In fact, I thought of 2 specific things: 1. The Basement Birmingham- a group of young people who started worship and study in their actual basement and quickly spread ti to the public and now have a large influence over the young people of the city and are no longer tied to a basement because of their obedience. 2. The Underground Railroad- a system designed to allow those in captivity to run to freedom.
Interestingly enough exactly what I am to do.
We all have been or still are a prisoner of what we feel we desire most, whether it is hiding, security, importance, elevation, etc. Whether we find ourselves in a basement, tower, dungeon, throne, or any place other than the position of warrior for the kingdom, we are working for self worth.
I entertain the idea of being out of my basement from time to time and go upstairs, answer the door, and lock my basement door behind me, careful to slip the key securely in my pocket. You see, I do not want others knowing I even have a basement, let alone snooping around in it to see my secrets, wounds, shame, or even my great need for security itself. As long as I have the "freedom" to come and go in and out of my basement, I will chose mostly to stay in it, therefore foregoing the freedom I declare I have in my ability to choose. True freedom comes from handing over the key to God Himself and declaring that it is ok with me if He chooses to let the door be unlocked and flung open in all its darkness. That is the only way light will ever be in that place. I have a hard time with that because I still fear those "storms" that come so often, and I have not dealt with some of the boxes of things I have stored there and hold so tightly, and I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that would come with relinquishing my dwelling place of deep hiding and darkness. Have you ever been in a really dark place and come out to see that even small amounts of light are in fact painful?
I know that I am being asked to give up my basement and face the world and all its painful reality right now. Instead of being in solitary denial, I am being asked to choose facing it head on with a mighty host of heavenly warriors and The King as my army because this is in fact after all a Kingdom War with a Kingdom purpose!
Still hard to agree to somehow...

Written in Stone

So, tonight I was in a Bible study that is led by an extreme, thought provoking, wall-breaching, Spirit filled prophetess. Also there was a great friend of mine who is a phenomonoly gifted teacher, proclaimer, purpose finding, lesson living truth seeker. That being said, you will understand how I reached this point tonight. I was asked what my name meant (how THOUGHT PROVOKING), and of course shouted out the blatant obvious of how I live in it..."DIRT" yes maam, my name means dirt.Since then the TRUTH has been SEARCHED out and more has come to light (one may even say the light of day or DAWN). (see why I explained the two at the begining? now you know where they each fit in without my having to dialogue lol). Turns out the following is true:

Tera- Dirt, Earth

h- exhale, the outbreathing, or as in the breath of life God breathed into Adam, or the way He changed the names of Abram and Sarai to include His breath of life into AbraHam and SaraH

Jane- Merciful

God has spoken over a name of ordinary uselessness and turmoil with His breath, His essence, to cause life to spring forth from this pile of dirt to proclaim mercy to the ends of the Earth. If that does not cause me to live in the promise, I do not know how else to be inspired to seek truth or live in His exhale.

Just to add another point, my name at birth was :
Jacqueline- protector

For any of you who really know me or have endeavored to breach my walls, you understand how hard I strive to not be KNOWN, I am a protector of myself and am at this point in my life being called to relinquish that hold I covet over my own pride and secrecy and illusion of security through hiding. I have recently come to realize that I have wanted a life of masquerade parties and basement living in every sence of the meaning they imply.
But, just as my earthly name was changed, so it will be again.
We are told in Revelation that we will be given a new name written on a stone, known only to us by the creater of life Himself. TRUE Father will give us our purposed name when it has been fulfilled.
Turns out you cannot be a protector of self AND an effective proclaimation of His mercy to all the earth at the same time. How appropriate that the name given to me by my earthly father meant protector and when he abandoned his post as my earthly protector it was changed to a name in which my purpose was exhaled over me by my Heavenly Father. A name that will cause me to break the chains of self preservation and proclaim His name and great mercy to the ends of the Earth!

Job Well Done???

I know many of you have passed this point in blog world, but as I have been saying I have been lost. So for the sake of my catching up with you, here it is. Pretty much the only people who read my blog know where I'm coming from on this, so, I feel free shouting out how I feel. For those of you who are not familiar, you can skip this post and not hurt my feelings :)

Let me start by saying I have been blessed with great friends and leaders over this last phase of life transition. Wednesday night during one of our coveted prayer sessions, one of those great friends and leaders compiled a much prayed over and edited playlist for our worship and prayer setting. In that playlist was the following song:

"When I Speak Your Name"
VERSE 1
Jesus, the most beautiful name of all names
Jesus, the only name that brings healing and strength
When I speak Your Name, mountains move, chains are loosed
When I speak Your Name, darkness flees, it has no hold on me

CHORUS
Jesus, the most beautiful name that I know
You’re the exalt- ed One
Jesus, You have the power alone
You lift the lone- ly one, Je- sus

VERSE 2
Jesus, the most wonderful name of all names
Jesus, the only name that brings freedom and hope
When I speak Your Name, mountains move, chains are loosed
When I speak Your Name, darkness flees, it has no hold on me

(1st ending)
You lift the lone- ly one
(Repeat Chorus)

(2nd ending)
You lift the lone- ly one, Je- sus

CHORUS 2
Be exalted, be exalted, be exalted higher and higher
Be exalted, be exalted, be exalted higher and higher
Be exalted, be exalted, be exalted higher and higher
Be exalted, be exalted, be exalted higher and higher

"What is my point?" you ask??? Well, I had a revelation during this song that I had not had ever before. I thought I'd had closure until this very moment when the words of this song brought healing and enlightenment to my inner self that has been resisting and holding on to visions mixed with personal feelings for too long now.

What if this group was sent here to learn how to pray, enabled to tear down strongholds through prayer, write His name on this mountain, loose the chains tied to this drowning community, to cause darkness to flee releasing it's hold of oppression on these people...what if?

Maybe part of the great calling was the willingness to be enabled for great impact on a place to be inhabited by others, walking away to open up a released mountain for the work God has enabled another for in this place! A work that is so important for the kingdom that this mountain needed preparation in advance by those willing to give it up and hand it over as sacred holy ground!

His name covers the walls and none can deny the change in the spiritual realm that took place by His name being engraved on a ground dedicated to His greater purpose. Melanie once shared an epiphany in the latter days before the changes started to take place, with regards to our being called to serve there because of the ministry we could have to the oppressed! What if it was to free the hill in His name?

What if our being called on to other ministry is God giving us the go ahead because the task is completed and another job is now prepared for us as well as another group prepared for this place, our job well done?

What if the visions we have seen and tasted of for this place are all to come to pass because of our willingness to roll up our sleeping bags, having stayed long enough on this mountain? I think we all can agree that the visions we have had are for this people and this community and this church. I doubt many of us ever contemplated not being there for that fruition, but it will happen just the same because of obedience!

As the song states, His name brings hope, healing, strength, and freedom...take Him with you and lift oppression in His name as you walk where you have been led.

I truly love each of you, and am confidently awaiting next orders from on High!

(Non-Tv Series) LOST

(Non-TV Series) LOST
Current mood: scared
Category: Life

Definition for lost
- unable to find way: unable to find the way to a place
- mislaid: unable to be found temporarily
- gone: no longer in existence or use

Never has this word been more applicable to my place in life than now.

I wish I were not at such a loss for words and specific emotion right now, but it is just not that easy. Instead, I find myself unable to speak and in a pool of mixed emotion that seems deep enough to drown in. If I had to narrow it down to the most overpowering, it would probably be sorrow.

Genesis 28:15I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

It is not possible to stay, yet I do not believe I am to follow the open path. I have no clear answers, just silence and occasionally the eerie echoes of my own crying out, as if alone in a cave. I do not handle some things well, especially things I cannot figure out.

My verse for the year:
Exodus 23:5 (Amplified Bible)
"If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying [helpless] under his load, you shall refrain from leaving the man to cope with it alone; you shall help him to release the animal."

Sounds about right for this donkey!
Later

Thoughts of a Troubled Mind

Thoughts of a troubled mind
Current mood: depressed
Category: Life

As the year has come full circle and we are heading full force into 2009, I find myself not looking to the future as much as contemplating the past. Decisions made, roads taken, friendships made, ties broken, etc... are some of the things that have brought me to the place I am now. The reason I look at 2009 with the perspective that I do, is partly due to my choices and partly due to things out of my control, as with everyone.

I know of several things in my past that I wish I had done differently, and yet since it is not possible to turn back time, I am stuck with how that will affect every aspect of the rest of my life. At a very young age we have the ability to screw up with no way of fixing it by the time we realize what we have done. The cosmic detrimental door that has been opened is now blown from the hinges never to be shut again.

Where does one go from here? If there is no reverse and no time travel, how do we live with the mess? It cannot be cleaned up the stain was quick and irreversible, so why are we given such power so young? Is it that we should have more wisdom at a younger age, or that life throws us off for the simple purpose of continual struggle which leads to growth, or is there a purpose I do not see that you could shed light on for me?

Wish I knew...

Wish I knew...
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Blogging

Isaiah 58:6-12
"6 I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings."
Isn't it just like my God, that in the midsts of my seeking a basis for righteous indignation, I am confronted with my responsibility of how to act, where to go from here, and how to bring forth the blessing of God by following His very clear instruction?!?! (Yes, it is...)

Don't get me wrong, I am furious! And I believe I have a right to be! Not only has God pointed out how I should treatothers, but how I should be treated...If I do not turn away from my own flesh and blood (vs 7), then He will be my REAR GUARD (vs 8) protecting me from another attack or knife in the back if you will, and healing, strengthening, and rebuilding WILL occur (vs 8,11-12)...in the mean-time, however, we/I am to continue my calling and ministry unchanged (vs 7, 10) and for the hard part...let go of malice and finger-pointing (vs 9).

Am I ready for that last part? NO, NO, NOOOOO! But it is required for not only MY healing, but for the strengthening and rebuilding of His Church...My Area of ministry...my calling...my community!

Make no mistake in understanding that point as I try to drive it home to my own mind what God is actually telling me here... My letting go is required for the greater good of an entire community, ministry, calling, etc. Not just will the "streets" be repaired, but the streets will be RESTORED with DWELLINGS! That brings about FULL RESTORATION of a PEOPLE!!!!

He is asking me not to give up or give in, but to give it over to Him as He protects my "rear" :)...Who better to cover me?


I have shared enough of my personal lesson for now,
staying under His protection for a while...
Terah

PS Pray that I keep this at the front of my mind for a little while :)

The Responsibilities of a Friend

The responsibilities of a friend
Current mood: contemplative

After a recent experience, I felt the need to examine and research the responsibilities of friendship. I believe there may be one or two that as a whole are easy to ignore from both the giving and receiving sides. I know that I have. First, there are of course, the general assumed duties and privileges of a friend such as a shoulder to cry on, sounding board, game night partner, shopping consultant, etc... These are fairly simple for the most part, are enjoyable or at least rewarding and work toward creating a deeper bond. Second, a friend is defined as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard, a person who gives assistance, a person who is on good terms with another, who is not hostile. third and most importantly, as always we gather more aspects that define a friend from scripture. A friend is always loving (Prov 17:17), shares trustworthy criticism (27:6), is faithful(27:10 ), helpful and a treasure (Ecc 4:10), selfless(Jn 15:13), patient and forgiving (Col 3:13).

Outreach Opportunities Working Out

outreach opportunities working out
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

wow this has been an incredible 7 days. God instilled a specific passion in the hearts of His people, brought together those He has destined for this work, and has worked out so many seemingly difficult avenues with ease. That's my God! you guys have no idea how pumped I've become as this has all come together. my excitement lies in the fact that We've been given an OUTREACH opportunity, but let's not stop there... God is enabling His people to step out with multifaceted ministry including worship, evangelism, discipleship, and most importantly PRAYER! This has to be based, fulfilled, and continued in prayer so that His will is always the end result. We pray that through this ministry His will is accomplished, that lives and directions are affected, that the hopeless will come to see the hope offered and reach for it without inhibition. that time would stand still as the Spirit moves through the room and that the Comforter surrounds those hurting and angry with the peace we personally know He offers.

Perceived Roadblocks

Perceived Roadblocks
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Religion and Philosophy

There are days when we give something insignificantly negative the ability to ruin something monumental.

Yep, you guessed it, I have an example...
Go back with me if you will to Easter Sunday 2008. (I know some of you may not want to, but for examples sake, let’s do.)

* You wake up late, realise it’s ok and still make it to church on time.

*Someone you love will be leaving for a while, understand, as hard as it is, that he will make it. He has a destined purpose he’s trying to find through this outlet and should be given that chance.

*The pastor is out, but God has equipped this Church of small numbers with more than one great leader and carrier of His message.

*A lot of the Easter items for the children are locked in a car...along with the keys, however the leader prepared ahead by already bringing a lot of it in and so thigs go just fine...Because that is her ministry and God’s hand is in it.

*The Roadside Assistance personnel is less than trained, yet the keys are recovered and all is well....Eventually!

*The list could go on and I know you have one of your own...



Let’s not forget the monumental, no matter how signifigant the negative is. Satan was staring fights all over this Day marked to Honor our God. The spiritual realm was alive and "kicking" to say the least and focus was fought for, however the day is no less monumental for it. And it is our job to ensure that the GLORY is not misdirected either!

Rise up, overcome, and give the Glory to Whom it is due!!!

"Let them give glory to the LORD and proclaim His praise in the islands. The LORD will march out like a mighty man, like a warrior he will stir up His zeal; with a shout He will raise the battle cry and will triumph over His enemies." Isaiah 42:12-13

Ramblings of the Unknown

Ramblings of the unknown
Current mood: Open
Category: Open Religion and Philosophy

Have you ever had a moment when you just could not breathe? You didn’t know why exactly, just that in reaction to something you’ve just heard, you are at a loss for AIR...

Well, I hadn’t until a few days ago, and though I do not know YET why, I know there is something I am supposed to get out of that experience that is so strong it took my breath away. THERE IS SOMETHING!!! I am unsure what God was trying to tell me, but I know He is speaking! It may be fear or pride that must be dealt with on a particular issue, it may be that an opportunity that I am supposed to respond to, or it may be just that something was said that needs to stand out in my mind for the right time...I don’t know...YET!

I have come to one conclusion so far, when God speaks, it is breathtaking! Even before it is completely revealed!

Then the LORD replied:
"Write down the revelation
and make it plain on tablets
so that a herald may run with it.
For the revelation awaits an appointed time...
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay."
Habakkuk 2:2-3